English Jokes - نكتة بالانجليزية

[منتظر النايف]

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found
.Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half

. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is
.going all red

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

?"Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark

source unknown

[منتظر النايف]

Demand For A Raise
"Boss, I've got to have a raise," the salesman said to his sales manager. "There are three other companies after me."
?" Is that a fact?" the manager asked. "What other companies are after you
." The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company"


http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=2641&id=1

[عبدالله مسفر]

Hi my teacher Montazer & everybody ....
I bring to you some of jokes .. i hope you injoy with it ...


There’s a man who has such big feet that when it rains, he lies down and uses them as umbrellas.



“ I snored so much and so loud that I used to wake myself up” a man told his friend.
“ What did you do about it?” his friend asked.
“ Oh,” the man said, “ now I sleep in the next room and I don’t hear a thing.”




last winter, the cow caught such a bad cold that she gave ice cream instead of milk.



On day, a man was riding a horse when he passed a dog on the road. “Good morning,” the dog said.
“I didn’t know dogs could talk,” the man said.
“Neither did I,” the horse said.


There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"





TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!


TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."


TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher


source : http://forum.khleeg.com/66274.html

[منتظر النايف]

!Nice jokes indeed

[عبدالمجيد]

loooooool so funny jokes :) , especially the joke of the late student .

Thanks a lot to all of you for these funny jokes .

[هاوي بر]

والله اني ما ادري وش تقولون :::: الله يخلف علينا

[بدون ميول]

very nice jokes
thanks alot for drawing a smile
I hope to read more

[غبار ممطر]

nice jokes

many thanks
waiting 4 new jokes